Guess what... I'm not dead. Yet.
You've also made it abundantly clear that I've been away too long, based on the emails, Tweets, and Facebook messages asking me things like: (1) are you okay; (2) have you finally snapped; (3) if you're dead, can I have all your stuff; (4) would you rather be Cagney or Lacey; and (5) are you holed up in a remote motel room with a stockpile of whisky and ammo?
Anyhow, I've done some
But for today, it's the end of the Fall 2011 semester, so I thought we could take a moment to reflect on several of the more important things we learned these past few months. (From what I understand, good teachers like to do this kind of shit, some kind of reflective learning thingie)
(1) In one of our health-related lectures, we learned how to avoid aneurisms. Basically by giving them to other people. Sharing is caring, right?
(2) We learned that scotch tape is the best way to remove lint from a shirt if you don't have a lint remover, and the best way to preserve pride and employment.
(3) I have a back up career as a fortune teller.
(4) We learned that it's best to change the "Sent from iPhone" message at the end of your emails.
(5) And finally, we learned how to make some damn good alcoholic beverages: the Nutty Professor and the Court of A-Peels.
Now allow me to have Success Kid point out a few highlights of my pathetic life over the past semester:
See you all on Thursday -- don't be late for class!!!