Monday, December 19, 2011

On Fall Semester 2011


Guess what... I'm not dead.  Yet.

You've also made it abundantly clear that I've been away too long, based on the emails, Tweets, and Facebook messages asking me things like: (1) are you okay; (2) have you finally snapped; (3) if you're dead, can I have all your stuff; (4) would you rather be Cagney or Lacey; and (5) are you holed up in a remote motel room with a stockpile of whisky and ammo?

Anyhow, I've done some closet and basement reorganizing soul searching and realized the importance of this blog to my sanity.  Hence, you're going to be stuck with me for a while.  As an olive branch, to compensate for my absence from class, I promise a double-whammie this week.  This Thursday I'll share with you my ever-growing Christmas wishlist (start saving your money now -- I have unique and expensive tastes).

But for today, it's the end of the Fall 2011 semester, so I thought we could take a moment to reflect on several of the more important things we learned these past few months.  (From what I understand, good teachers like to do this kind of shit, some kind of reflective learning thingie)

(1) In one of our health-related lectures, we learned how to avoid aneurisms.  Basically by giving them to other people.  Sharing is caring, right?

(2) We learned that scotch tape is the best way to remove lint from a shirt if you don't have a lint remover, and the best way to preserve pride and employment.

(3) I have a back up career as a fortune teller.

(4) We learned that it's best to change the "Sent from iPhone" message at the end of your emails.

(5) And finally, we learned how to make some damn good alcoholic beverages: the Nutty Professor and the Court of A-Peels.

Now allow me to have Success Kid point out a few highlights of my pathetic life over the past semester:





See you all on Thursday -- don't be late for class!!!

27 comments:

  1. Hahahha I think I appreciate the netflix win the most. Before Boyfriend got rid of the online streaming (sadness!), he'd sign in on my laptop and I'd get to watch reruns of Archer to my heart's content. It was great.

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  2. WHAT IS YOUR TACO SECRET?!!?!

    PS- glad you're not dead!

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  3. Have totally needed some unbridled hilariousity. Will not count it against you that you deserted me in my hour of need. That baby is killing me.

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  4. "Ate a taco; nothing fell out."

    Nothing fell out of the taco or out of your ass?

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  5. I love when I find money in my pockets. Gum is soooo American, like it when I find mini bottles and they are still full!

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  6. Apparently you and I have both been underground for a while. Luckily, with this post, I can go back and catch up on your semester. I posted a war story of my own this morning. Thought it would make me feel better, all cathartic and stuff.
    Not.

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  7. @ Gia: Oh my god how I love and miss Archer. *sigh* I wish I had more free time.

    @ Dr Becca: Basically, I put the taco in a ziplock bag and then eat it. Sure, the plastic ruins the taco flavor, and gives me horrible digestive problems, BUT NO MESS!

    @ drdrA: I know -- I've been a shit for leaving everyone high and dry. Honestly, I thought everyone would be grateful that I left them alone for a while :-) Thanks again for that shout out in your neck of the blogging-woods!

    @ J Bear: Well played sir, well played. (Obviously, if I found a way for tacos not to fall out of my ass, I'd be a rich man)

    @ Nubian: Damn, what do you usually do in the winter to collect all those mini-bottles. *planning trip to party with Nubian*

    @ Didactic Pirate: WELL SLAP ME IN THE MOUTH AND CALL ME SUSIE -- YOU'RE BACK?!?!? I thought you actually took to the seas, pirating shipping vessels across our great earth. Glad to see you're back in blogging action; I'll head over to your place soon!

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  8. I love putting on a winter coast for the first time all season and finding gum (that I will still chew even though it's been in the coat for 6 months) and a few quarters. Sometimes there's also lipgloss in there. It's like winning the lottery!

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  9. I was wondering the same as J.Bear about the taco's.
    Final's week sucks from a student's stand point. You Profs have it easy..TA's hand out test and grade them while you sit on your ass and pick lint off your jackets with scotch tape.

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  10. Success kid is awesome. I've mostly lost my inner child, but I like that kid.

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  11. oh, it's like we are cosmically connected, even when it comes to our blogging schedules. duh.

    i also went about a month recently and the emails and tweets and death threats were charming and i also realized the importance of my blog to my sanity.

    stop being me.

    no wait, keep doing it cus you do it better.

    and i'll never leave you twinsie! follower 4 life!

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  12. Definitely Lacey. She was the tough one right? If not,then Cagney.

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  13. I almost posted on your Facebook last week but then I remembered that it was finals week. Now, I'll actually go back and read your blog.

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  14. Wait. How did you eat a taco without anything falling out???

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  15. @ Just me: Finding the lipgloss - or chapstick in my situation - is totally a win. Better than gum though? Not sure, not sure.

    @ hisqueen: Yes indeed, I remember the trials and hardships of exam week all too well. I'll spend a few minutes empathizing for you -- and perhaps downing a beer in your honor.

    @ karen: Some people hate the memes; I love em. And Success Kid? Who the hell couldn't love that look?!

    @ Blunty: "i'll never leave you twinsie! follower 4 life!" Consider my day officially made. Should you or I make our matching lockets?

    @ Christian: Hahaha, I'm so glad you chose to highlight that little snippet. I put those little things in there for A+ students like you!

    @ Meg: Wait, you weren't diligently reading all along?!

    @ womenarefrommars: See my comment to Dr. Becca above -- it involves a ziplock bag. And Pepto :-)

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  16. I can identify with the first one. Got to work 20 minutes late & realized no one else was there yet. Awesome feeling.

    Plan to try for 30 minutes the next time.

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  17. Hey here you are! and just in time since all my shows are on hiatus :(
    my favourite of the USB memes, 4D usb
    http://9gag.com/gag/316443

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  18. I am with you here. A big part for starting my blog was to help me keep my sanity through writing.

    take care...

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  19. Ah, finals. I so don't miss that AT ALL. And I love finding gum and money, and chap stick in my coats. I'm impressed you can keep the taco filling intact on the way in and out :)

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  20. You're back! I must admit I made my own bitch session blog about final exams that allowed me to finish grading without having a psychotic break. So you aren't alone there...Besides, your blog reaches out to the cold, blackened hearts of other professors out there like me. Awwwwww.

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  21. Um, yes, diligently. Sure. I never comment before actually reading a blog. Don't know what I was thinking. I'm blaming the holidays. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. That whole taco thing? WINNING!

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  22. @ Vinny: That's what I like to see -- determination and dedication.

    @ JJadziaDax: omg that is hilarious. True AND hilarious :-)

    @ Justin: Sanity... such a fickle and fragile mistress, amiright?

    @ TriGirl: I haven't quite figured out the "way out" part. But yea, finals week sucks. Which ALSO contributes to "way out" problems.

    @ funnyortragic: Keep it coming! Vent and release, vent and release :-)

    @ Meg: Right, right, of course. Of course. Me too.

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  23. Oh YAY!! Glad you're NOT dead!

    *checking all my winter coats for money & gum*

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  24. Come talk to me when you've been gone for 3 months!

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  25. I eat tacos and nothing ever falls out...sadly. I really would like something to fall out...wait, I'm oversharing again.
    I'm off to read your post about the iPhone, because although I can't afford one and wouldn't know where the "on" button is, I'm curious as to why it shouldn't say "sent from iPhone" at the bottom of an email.

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  26. Hi Susie,
    You did excellent on your assignment. A+.
    Keep writing in your gratitude journal, it's the small things that will...

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  27. @ meleah: Hey, I'm glad I'm not dead too! Most of the time anyway.

    @ Drake: No joke dude! Where you been?! There's been so many movies, TV shows, and games to come out lately, and they're all dying for your commentary. Come back to us good sir!

    @ Sandra: Happy iPhone etiquette! And I'm impressed that you eat mess-free tacos like me!

    @ Antares: No idea what Susie is doing, but her keeping a gratitude journal is helping. I wish all my students did something like that.

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