Today's lecture is targeted to a particular subsection of the class. Specifically, people that have the following phrase at the end of their emails:
*Sent from my iPhone/iPad
You may have the best intentions, may be the most down-to-earth and likable person alive, or simply may not know how to erase that iSignature. Regardless, you're sending one loud and clear message with every single email you distribute: "I'm a raging douchebag." People view you as the same type of person that Brian Regan is talking about here:
It's okay, we'll get through this. Consider this your intervention, your turning point. First, do this. Second, be creative. If you'd really like to make an impression with your emails, then I suggest some of the following possibilities:
- Sent from Hell.
- Sent from someone else's iPhone.
- Sent from my iPad, while wearing no pants.
- Sent from my iPhone, during a quick fluffer break in this new orgy-group I found on Craig's List.
- Sent from the bowels of a dark and tortuous depression, in the midst of raging crying fits and contemplations of self-harm in order to feel something, anything my mobile device :-)
- Sent from an iPad -- your mom's iPad, bitch.
- Sent from inside your home. Ha, just kidding, I meant my iPhone. No but really, I'm inside your home right now, you should be totally freaked out.
- Sent from the professor that's going to fail you this semester.
- Sent from the guy at work who's going to slash your tires in the parking lot next week.
- Sent from Jesus' iPhone, yes the Jesus.
Got any other good ones???
[EDIT: People are coming up with some hilarious possibilities in the comments -- be sure to check em out!]
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Sent From My Blog
Well well, I did not know that. Good thing I came to class. Now, what will I change my signature to..."Sent from the depths of my insecurity" Maybe. I dunno, that might not be good enough.
I love the "your mom's" one, that is priceless Doc.
"Sent from Tattooine" (Mordor, other geek reference)
"Sent from the future. Please stop monkey experiment 12J. Trust me."
Ahaha, love them.
Sent from Uranus. HEYOOOOOOOO!
Because of the sometimes useful, but always annoying, auto-correct feature on iOS, I do have a different signature on my mobile devices (yes, I make excuses for my inattention to details as a default - sue me).
The sig from my phone reads, "Pardon the mess. Thumbs are not made for typing."
The sig from my iPad reads, "Beware of typos. This mobile device is possessed."
But I like most of yours and the commenters' better. I am stealing them without shame.
Thanks, all. :)
Thanks doc for the link so that I now know how to change my signature - I've been too busy sending important e-mails from my IPAD to have time to look this up! (ha!) I'm thinking of going with "Sent from the bathroom, where I do my best work."
I just snagged the "someone else's iPhone" but this is gold. Total gold. And then the bathroom where I do my best work! Bwahahaha! I love laughing out loud when I read this shit in the morning. Gets the cobwebs out of my head... I need to come up with my own now. Will let you know when I do, once the cobwebs are gone.
Sent from the bathroom. Hold on a sec...
GGGGRRRRRRRR
Splash.
Ahhh...
@ TriGirl: Love it! Add that whole piece to the end of your emails -- it's a gem :-)
@ Dangerboy: "Please stop monkey experiment 12J." Yes to the yes, my friend. Do it!
@ Haven: Me too.
@ Dr Becca: ZING!
@ badrescher: Wait, you have both mobile devices? Damn I'm jealous. And yes, the "thumbs are not made for typing" is gold.
@ laughingmom: LOVE. IT.
@ Nikki: Cobwebs be gone! Looking forward to your ideas...
@ Tom: You sir. You sir just upped the ante. That is magic.
How about
"Sent from your face."
or
"Sent from prison."
That totally reminded me of this time when a few of my friends and I did walk into somebody else's dorm while they weren't there, then sat around drinking until they came home... Shocked, pissed, an uncontrollable hilarity ensued
I'm a very honest person:Sent from my desktop because I don't have an iphone/pad. Tammy x
"Sent from ...somewhere, not quite sure where, too busy looking at the screen to pay attention, huh, yep, I'm lost, crud the GPS isn't helping...might be time to send out the search parties..quick, it's getting dark and there's something out there!"
mod.cur
or if you want to be honest about it "Sent while I was supposedly paying attention to someone/something else"
mod.cur
How about "sent from my awesome newest version of the iPhone that I just stood in line for 32 hours waiting to buy...because I have nothing better to do."
Well, fine. I changed my iPad douche signature. Never occurred to meI could change it. I'm such slve to technology. A mindless Apple whore. MEh.
These signatures, yours and the commenters, are a-to-awesome (I snag that last bit, try it AWwWwWSOme . . .)
Here's mine:
- Sent from Russia, with love.
- Sent between sessions of Angry Birds.
- Sent by accident.
- Sent from the last train to Clarksville.
- Sent with extreme prejudice.
- Sent with :-) becuase I can no longer express human emotion.
- If it was up your ass eating a ham sandwich you'd know where it was sent from.
Psst. This comment, yes, it was sent from my iPad.
Wow. My comment is full of typos and shit. I wish I were energetic enough to care.
"Sent from my now obsolete iPhone, which used to bring me joy, but now only fills me with shame"
mod.cur
I sometimes use "Sent to an iPhone 4" and "Formatted for an iPhone 4" when responding to e-mails with such signatures. These usually get misread. The last one actually elicited a response that read "What? And you didn't get me one, too?" Sigh...
Sent from the most dangerous item in my pants
Sent from the Ninety Ninth Percentile, which MAY actually be an oxymoron
Sent from the wrong side of the tracks, so don't give me any shit
Sent from the iPhone my employer pays for... hahahahaha
Sent from here
Sent from the future. Good luck with all the pain you're about to experience
I am watching you.
Sent from Mount Olympus.
Sent from my XBOX (for my secure accounts)
Sent from my PS3 (for accounts I don't mind being hacked)
4.0 GOLD BABY!!
Sent from my Chinese imitation iPhone
Sent from Osama's iPhone...oh wait he's dead. Ok, sent from Saddam Hussein's iPhone....oh shucks he's dead too. Umm, sent from Gheddafi's iPhone...I see a pattern here
@ Christian: Damn! How could I have forgotten my good ol' standby -- your face!
@ Oats: We like uncontrollable hilarity here at Cynicism 101 :-)
@ Anon: I'm liking all that honesty!
@ Small Soldier: Um, how about YES :-)
@ Nicole: I was HOPING Ninja Mom was going to jump into this at some point -- as usual, brilliant suggestions! Something about that "sent by mistake" is making me chuckle uncontrollably...
@ Anon: Then that must be happening to you iPhone owners like every few months or so, you know, every time they release a new version (e.g., 3Gs4-5sS6s).
@ tallcedars: Oh now that's a damn fine idea -- love it! I'm going to start responding to my colleagues with some of those snarky retorts.
@ mackindeed: You dangerous thing can text/type? That's quite impressive sir.
@ Antares: Anything about "watching you" creeps me the fuck out -- I like it!
@ Nubian: Well played Nubian, well played. Our PS3/XBox battle continues...
@ Alessandra: Now if you could just predict the next dead world leader, you'd be immensely famous.
Sent from Lindsay Lohan aka jail.
These are FLIPPEN hilarious!
I think my favorite was
"Sent from inside your home. Ha, just kidding, I meant my iPhone. No but really, I'm inside your home right now, you should be totally freaked out."
Ahahahahhahahaha
sent with a little iSmugness, just because I can.
Tweeted & Facebooked. TOO FUNNY!
Sent from my mind, telepathically.
@ dbs: Ha! "Sent from my like iPhone cuz I'm like super energetic right like now and my iPhone is like TOTAL awesome and like it's great and did I mention I'm SUPER energetic for some reason can't figure out why probably the coc maybe all the coc I'm not sure."
@ meleah: I now like the one about Lindsay Lohan above :-) Thanks to dbs' inspiration.
@ Jonah: "iSmugness!" Awesome! That needs to be put on a t-shirt immediately -- please do it!
@ Kev D: Now that's creepy :-)
Sent from my secret sex dungeon.
bahahahahhahahah!
love. every. one. of. them.
love. you.
bam. roasted.
Not clever enough to even pretend to keep up to yours or the commenters' comebacks. I'll just do what I usually do in these circumstances, and steal a comeback...or I'll steal an iPhone, since I don't have one of those either.
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