Monday, September 19, 2011

Introducing the official Cynicism101 Mixology Consultant

What's everyone's most awesome-estly super favorite substance on earth?  Alcohol of course (I knew you'd agree with me).  Yet, there exists a problem that I see all too frequently: people drinking shitty, boring, and immature drinks.  If you're a grownup, then you've got grownup problems, and you should be drinking grownup libations to avoid those grownup problems.  A can of PBR or a "Sex on the Beach" cocktail is fine when your sole mission in life (typically around 18 yrs. old) is to get shitfaced and wake up in a different state every weekend.  But with age comes wisdom, a bit more regret, and an increasing level of alcohol-related maturity.

So to provide my students with the best possible advice and knowledge in this realm, I've hired a pro.  Today you'll be hearing from Dr. Becca, the official Cynicism 101 Mixology Consultant.  My good blogger friend has agreed to do recurring posts here in which she'll school us in the art of drinking like a grownup by occasionally providing us with trendy, distinguished, and exciting libations!  She's also funny as hell, so I expect you guys to be following her blog over at Fumbling Toward Tenure Track and/or catching her on Twitter, right?  Right.  Without further ado, I present Dr. Becca!


Hello Cynicism students!  I'm Dr Becca, your visiting lecturer for when Dr. C needs a cocktail.  As a new professor myself, I pretty much always need a cocktail, and fortunately for me and those around me, my knowledge on that front is vast.  I cannot tell you much about being a professor except that it takes approximately 14 emails and 8 phone calls in order to buy a Sharpie Fine Tip marker from Staples, but I can tell you about whiskey and gin, and maybe some other spirits, if you ask nicely.

Speaking of whiskey/whisky, how great is this?

With permission from Jordan Anderson

Some totally brilliant design student I found on Twitter made it, and you should totally go look at the rest of his stuff, because seriously, it is beautiful.  And if it is within your power, give him a job when he graduates.  Poor arty people.

The cocktail I'm going to tell you about today is called the Nutty Professor, which has nothing to do with Eddie Murphy, and everything to do with the fact that it is nut-flavored and I am a professor.*  On his last visit, my boyfriend brought me a new variety of Fee Bros. Bitters called "Black Walnut," and now that it is fall and whatnot, I decided to experiment.  The Nutty Professor is what emerged, and it is a very nice digestif - really a desserty drink, since the Black Walnut Bitters are pretty sweet.  Drink this after a meal, not before, do you understand me?

Here is what you will need:

2 oz bourbon
1/2 oz Luxardo Maraschino
1/2 oz Cynar
2 dashes Fee Bros. Black Walnut Bitters

In case you are curious, Luxardo Maraschino is a light, cherry-flavored cordial that has been around forever.  It should be used in extreme moderation, but is a good sweetener.  On the flip side, Cynar is a very bitter spirit made from artichokes, and the two balance each other remarkably well.  Put all ingredients in a shaker with ice and walk around your apartment swirling, not shaking.  Strain into an Old Fashioned glass over a large spherical ice cube (or several smaller ice cubes), and garnish with a brandied cherry if it pleases you.**

This is what it looks like, when it is sitting next to a 1970s phone:


*And now, on my first post, we can put to bed the question of whether I am the kind of person who would sort of name a drink after myself.
**Brandied cherries, by the way, are super easy to make and monstrously delicious.  I posted a recipe here.


  1. I think I am finally about to get a 4.0 in Doc's class. Can I stay here forever?

  2. Not a fan of Cherry (the fruit or the flavor), but I like nutty-flavored things (no dirty thoughts here, either)... I am looking forward to the next drink recipe. Until then, I'll be drinking beer with wicked anticipation. <3

  3. what's the big white ball in the drink that looks like ew a scoop of ice cream?

  4. @Nubian Just don't ever click "close tab," and you can. You can stay here forever.

    @mrgunn As well you should!

    @meleah That's pretty much my mantra.

    @Sunshine The drink really doesn't taste cherryish at all, but you could certainly substitute a different sweet cordial for the Maraschino in this--maybe a splash of Creme de Noisette?

    @JJadziaDax That's the ice cube! It's a perfect sphere, perfect for Old Fashioneds or similar. You can get the molds at the MoMA store

  5. Oh my gosh, another real professor, I feel like I'm back in college, though I think this class is going to be a heck of a lot more fun than any other one I have ever taken.....Welcome doc!

  6. I'm pretty sure the Nutty Professor is when you bust a nut on someone's glasses.

  7. This sounds a little sweet to be labeled 'adult'. It is perilously close to the kind of libations served in martini bars that are in fact abominations to those of us who appreciate an actual martini. I like nuts and I like bourbon. What I would do instead of mixing up one of these nutty professors is grab a handful of unsalted pecans and a tumbler of Woodford Reserve, neat. Pecan. Sip. Repeat. I will reserve final judgment on the nutty professor until I have tried one, which I will, because I believe we should always endeavor to learn something new from those who have endeavored to learn.

  8. mmhmmm. i like it

    i love it

    i want some of it.

  9. @Alessandra Thanks for the welcome! And trust me, this will be WAY better than college. Well, the classes part. The rest of college was pretty darn fun, from what I can piece together.

    @Kev D Thank you for that image, which will likely stay with me through the week.

    @Jonah Trust me, this is nothing like a "walnutini" or the like. It's definitely sweet, but not cloyingly so--the Cynar does a great job of balancing it out. You could also use rye instead of bourbon--in fact, I like this idea very much! I just might try this next time.

    @bluntdelivery Take it! It's yours.

  10. If any food or drink takes more than 2 ingredients, someone besides me needs to make it for me.

  11. @Bearman, I admire your streamlined lifestyle.

  12. I'll be completely honest: it took me three tries to get through this post.

    - 1st attempt got interrupted by work
    - 2nd attempt I got distracted by the fantastic whiskey cartoon pic and forgot what I was initially doing
    - 3rd attempt was successful due to extreme consumption of whiskey (not that I ever need to be inebriated to get through any of your wonderful posts)

    I don't remember much of what I read other than there were "yeah, fucking whiskey!" remarks being SHOUTED at my me...followed by me yelling (to my empty house) "Husband, I must get you a shirt like this for Christmas!"

    Fuck yeah, whiskey!

  13. @The Wannabe Housewife Your enthusiasm for whiskey is something I can really get behind! I think we would get along smashingly in real life.

  14. @Dr Becca - I would have to completely agree with you! *clinks glass*

  15. for a minute there I was wondering where the ice cream fit into the recipe?

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