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| Perhaps a metaphor for how I'm feeling? |
It's time once again... oh yes. Time to crack open the mail bag. You know the shtick by now; I answer emails that I've received from all you magnificent students. Here goes:
(1) Jason Bateman - and if you tell anyone, I swear to god I'll ruin your life AND your face.
(2) Good question... The first is sitting on my nuts (obviously). The rest are in a dead heat for second place: reality TV, when cell phones go off in my classroom, and people that use the word "like" 482 times in a sentence.
(3) Well if I told you that, I wouldn't be very anonymous, now would I?
(4) Yes. In fact you should probably take some advice from the sage Bill Murray: don't drive angry.
(5) Nope.
(6) Classical (Ralph Vaughn Williams anybody? Anybody?) and extreme (death metal, grindcore, sludge metal, metalcore, etc) music. And yes, I see the incongruity there.
(7) The first thing that comes to mind is Yoo-Hoo.
(8) 1 case of PBR, 1 potato gun, 1 car window, 1 bare ass, 26 stitches.
Bahahaha! This is the first of these I have seen, so I was confused at first. I love that you leave it up to the readers to decided what the students ask you, I can think of sooo many hilarious examples!
#8 is good.
Completely agree with #7.
It is funny they even had to ask.
yea cynicism jeopardy :)
1. which actor do you imagine you resemble?
2. hmm two parter tough one.. what is where is your remote? and what are your most favourite i mean most hated things?
3. what is your chatroulette handle?
4. have you ever deliberately ran someone off the road and off a cliff when they ignored the lane ending signs and cruised all the way to the end then shoved their way in front of you?
5. have you ever known anyone to actually use soap on a rope, because i'm convinced it was just something someone made up for kids to buy at father's day gift fairs in schools as a gag?
6. what do you like to listen to while on the can?
7. what did your last bowel movement look like? (i questioned 6 and 7 in reverse order, you may see a theme there)
8. what objects were involved in the most awesomest story you'll never tell us?
my bad *run
@ Miss Allie: That's what I love - seeing what you guys think those questions are :-) It's an evil plot that I crafted for my sole entertainment.
@ Oilfield Trash: It wasn't good at the time, I assure you.
@ The Whole Thing Stinks: HA! Right?
@ JJadziaDax: I absolutely LOVE that you just took a crack at every single one. You are officially my new hero for the day - or maybe even week. #s 3, 5, 6, 7, & 8 have me in fucking stitches! Great stuff!
I don't have a question for number one. Isn't Jason Bateman the right answer to just about anything?
Building Castles on the Beach
#1:who's yur daddy?
#2: what makes you get up in the morning?
#3:What name did they give you under the witness protection program?
$4:Were you the first one to start a Bill Murray fan club?
#5:Are you as good looking as Jason Bateman?
#6: What music do you play in your home elevator?
#7: DId you ever steal anything at the local corner market?
#8: What did you get the last time you asked for a raise?
Sorry, I'm a little rusty, haven't done any thinking in over a month.
May I please be excused from this assignment. I am feeling a little bloated and have terrible cramps. Thank you.
He might be ok.
Really? Noway!! #5? ME TOO!!
Any post that reminds me of Groundhog Day is worthy of a certain amount of philosophical gymnastics. Thanks for the exercise.
Oh, if I had a dollar for every time I had to use #8 in response to a question...
1. What is your safety word?
2. If you were on tour in a band, what would be on your rider list for backstage requirements?
3. How tall are you?
4. Has society learned anything from any of the original Ghostbusters?
5. Potato chip?
6. What are your karaoke go-to's?
7. Quick--what's the first thing that pops into your head?
8. Best Christmas/Hannukah as a child?
@ Brent: My thoughts exactly.
@ Alessandra: LOVE IT! Great stuff :-) Although I'm a little heart broken about #5. What if I'm a super hottie? Huh?
@ Nubian: My mind shut off after reading bloated. Do whatever you need to do.
@ Drake: Just maybe.
@ Nicky: Amiright?! Sweet!
@ Jonah: "Philosophical gymnastics." My new phrase for this week - thank you very much!
@ Vinny: Totally. Although I'm recalling, vaguely, that instead of stitches they were actually staples.
@ Dr Becca: You had me at safety word. And then you took me on an emotional roller coaster and whimsical journey for the rest of them. Thank you. Thank you.
If only women knew what it's like to sit on one's nuts. Then my wife would quit bragging about how she pushed two kids out of her vagina. Okay, maybe I shouldn't complain.
I am really not sure what this is all about but when did that stop me! I just brought in a bag of walnuts to sit on and it's actually comfortable enough. Does this count?
1. What's the worst thing that ever happened to you?
2. What is the best thing that ever happened to you?
3-8 I don't ask those kind of questions.
Hilarious, Doc.
After giggling to myself while reading this I showed my co-worker and tried to explain the hilarity, but was met with a blank stare and a slow blink.
She makes me sad.
You though, you make me incredibly happy and I look forward to your posts.
I do this sort of thing out loud in a quiet room. Start answering questions. Oh, it creeps Tessa out. And then she laughs.
I wish you would keep our sexting private.
@ dbs: Nahhh - we can still complain!
@ Linda: I don't think it counts cuz those walnuts aren't attached to your body.
@ Antares: Then your homework is to start asking people those kinds of questions :-)
@ Wannabe Housewife: Most of my co-workers make me sad too. Thanks for the kind words :-)
@ Fred: Hahaha! Glad Tessa is the understanding type.
@ Sarah P: Whoops. Of course, if you hadn't said anything, no one would have figured out that 7 & 8 were excerpts from our sexting sessions.
I *heart* Jason Bateman
Hey, I wasn't done leaving my comment!
I *heart* Jason Bateman - especially in his role as Michael Bluth on Arrested Development!
Jason Bateman is mine, too!!!
@ meleah: Oh Michael Bluth - you had me at hello.
@ justmakingconvo: Uh, I have no idea what you mean... (SHHH!)
OMG that was delightful. :-)
Pearl
Um, do you wait comments for approval? If not, I don't think mine posted.... hmm
Well, there's my answer.
Anyway, i had said.... I hope the answer to the Yoo-Hoo question was "what is the worst beverage in the world?"
cus if not, then i don't know where this relationship is going
@ Pearl: :-)
@ bluntdelivery: You'd turn your back on us, just like that? Well nevermind that because, of course, you're absolutely correct. Leave it to my twinsie to be the only one to guess that correct answer immediately. I think the actual question was something like, "what's the worst thing you ever drank?"
What?! You got MY MAIL by mistake!
Was expecting to see NO, THE CLAP IS NOT PASSED THROUGH TANTRIC MASTURBATION.
Perhaps next time.
ah yes #8: what things will i see in a redneck porno?
@ Always Home and Uncool: My bad!
@ Denny: LOL. I'll get to your emails next time Denny. Sorry to keep you waiting my friend.
@ pattypunker: Or perhaps, what things will you see in the redneck porno that I made? You're close...
Forgive me for seeing this for the first time and being overtly exuberant about the brilliance of this. Just ignore me.
@ Absence: Brilliance?! You must have the wrong blog.
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