Near the end of last week, I had my students break up into groups and work on an in-class exercise. This kind of thing has fallen out of favor in most large-sized courses such as mine (professors are either lazy or the class size is just too large to be managed), but I continue to get good results and positive student feedback from it. So anyway, during these activities, I like to walk around the lecture hall to check in on everyone's progress, field questions, and make sure no one is stabbing someone else in the neck or having sex in a corner somewhere. To my pleasant surprise, most groups were studiously chugging along, coming up with great ideas/answers/questions and really enjoying the activity. For a second, I felt like I was in the last episode of Lost about to ask Jack's dad if I was dead - but that's just the cynic in me.
Right then, I came upon "Group Brain Lesion." They were engaged in a rather in-depth and excited discussion about which group member had the lowest GPA.
Spray Tan: "Like oh my god, I seriously have the lowest GPA - you totally don't even know."
Cro-Magnon Boy: "No way girl, mine has to be totally lower, for serious!"
Eloquently Speaking Girl: "Whatev - after this fuckin semester, I got ALL you fuckin beat. Hahahahahaisljsdfijsdflkmciugsh"
Spray Tan: "Hahahaha - Let's compare em at the end, totally!! Let's do that shit!"
It was one of those rare occasions when I was rendered speechless. Not because I didn't have something to say, but because a hundred different questions, thoughts, possible scenarios, and responses were furiously swimming around in my mind - so viciously and tornado-like that I couldn't process any of it.
How do you kids get on a topic like this? How are you still talking about it? Is that guy to the left one of the Jersey Shore cast members? Why would you be proud to win this debate? Why have you not stopped talking about this yet, since you all are clearly aware that I've been standing next to you for 5 minutes now; most of you have even nodded or smiled at me. In fact, the one that's still cussing was the one that first acknowledged me. I wonder what drugs they're on and if I can get some of them? Or maybe this stuff is prescribed to them? Is this what I got my Ph.D. for? I should run a study on the mental/brain consequences of spray tanning. Or the combination of spray tanning, eating paint chips, and number of times dropped as a baby. I wonder what their parents are like? I bet listening to this or being exposed to this kind of conversation is what causes brain lesions in innocent bystanders like me.
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| Arrows indicate damage/lesions caused by exposure to that conversation |
Wow, I would have thought college kids would be beyond the mentality of "because I'm dumb l am cool." I'm losing more faith, Doc.
Maybe the post-Chernobyl decor wasn't such a good idea after all?
I'm fond of bell curves. Please exit to your left.
It's so cool how your budget allows for MRI scans. *jealous face*
yeah I wouldn't (couldn't) have been able to converse with those people. I was such a masochistic overachiever that I freaked out when my study abroad courses took my GPA from a 4.0 to a 3.9. yeah.
In a world where intellect is eclipsed by athleticism, I can’t say I’m surprised.
@ Johnny Utah: Losing faith? Hoorayyy! You're learning so much from my class - I'm so proud!
@ Antares Cryptos: "I'm fond of bell curves. Please exit to your left." LOL! Love it!
@ dbs: Pshh - I just sneak in to the scanner between research subjects or patients. The tech loves twinkies, so it's an easy bribe.
@ andygirl: You sound like me in my college days :-) Students aren't like that anymore.
@ Drake Sigar: I wish I had a witty retort, but you speak the sad truth.
This gives me pleasure in knowing how much smarter I am than so many people but pause because I probably will end up working for one of them.
I don't care which one ends up with the lowest GPA. They're all winners in my book. Sadly, the prize may end up being fame & fortune in the next reality show.
Life is fair, no?
Dude, they're so wrong! I'M the one with the lowest GPA. Totally.
ツ my cyber house rules
Oh c'mon Doc, they know better than that. They're in a group, so they're in that mentality to put up a badass persona. In fact, I'm sure you coming along probably put them on that embarrassing digression.
And suddenly I feel REALLY smart, right about now.
better to close your mouth and appear stupid, than open it and prove it. have their mamas not taught them anything?
(note to self: eradicate "let's do that shit!" from vocab.)
So why are they in college? My head hurts.
@ Bearman: Oh Bearman, you're so damn wise.
@ Vinny C: "They're all winners in my book." LOL! And yes, the fact that they will end up rich little reality-TV fuckers pisses me off to no end.
@ Nikki: NIKKI! No more outbursts!
@ Leila: First, I don't think they truly DO know better than that. Second, I thought the whole "smart isn't cool" was a middle/high school thing.
@ meleah: You should, you really should.
@ pattypunker: "better to close your mouth and appear stupid, than open it and prove it" OMG, I LOVE THIS! Extra credit for you today :-)
@ Nubian: Exactly. Exactly. Exactly.
This made me laugh until I cried. Or perhaps it made me cried and then I laughed so I could pretend this isn't part of my daily teaching experience.
No I think you're being pessimistic, mister! :) Are we forgetting the power of peer pressure? If your students are freshmen, then it makes more sense that they'd act stupid. The remnants of "caring about what everyone thinks of me (which I can assume exists at LEAST in the spray tan girl)" are still in the works. Just because they're a tier above high school doesn't mean they're a tier above their own insecurities.
If you're not teaching freshmen, then you're right and you're teaching a bunch of helpless idiots who are far too entrenched in their stupidity to know they're stupid. (redundant i know but i don't care)
As I said in one of my first comments in your blog, I can never convey to you how devastated I am that the whole college application process seniors go through doesn't even filter out the "spray tan" girls and "cro magnon" boys. Of course, stupid people will be everywhere, but to this extent? really? REALLY?
-Your depressed high school student, Leila
I desperately want to call someone, Spray Tan now.
don't get me started on the intelligence or demotivation of this generation.
but there you go, writing a post about it.
@ Psycgirl: At least it didn't make you laugh until you peed.
@ Leila: Well, sure, pessimism is kinda my shtick here. In all honestly, the state of the current undergraduate is declining - most of my colleagues agree that something is happening at a much faster rate than they've ever recalled in their many years.
@ Chelle: You can go along all day tomorrow just calling everyone Spray Tan - I give you doctor's permission :-)
@ Bluntdelivery: Oh how I would love to read a post of YOURS about that topic!!
That was hilarious in a dark way. Oh, that is your way! Seriously, this is my complete laugh of the day!
I am @Alison7613 who cannot figure out how to place a comment here without making it anonymous though. I do wonder what part of MY brain doesn't work. WAIT! I really DO have spots on my brain! Shit!
@ anon OR Alison7613: Glad I could give you a "laugh of the day," regardless of how sick and dark it was :-)
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