Sitting on a bench enjoying a cigar earlier this weekend. The bench happened to be near a row of street parking in a popular and weekend-busy village (you know, little downtown areas with trendy shops that aren't trying to be trendy because that would be conformity, but they end up being trendy anyway because everyone is actually conforming to not conform, so the whole exercise is moot and stupid in the first place... ah, I digress). So after about 3 full minutes of trying to parallel park her car, a shining gem of human warmth and compassion emerged from her vehicle and briefly approached the parking street sign. Careful not to spend an overabundance of time reading the sign fully, she walked toward me with a scrunched nose and raised eyebrows. I think, "this is going to be good."
"Do they enforce parking here?"
"Yup."
"Well the sign says 8am-6pm, but it doesn't say anything about weekends. It's the weekend."
"Right... but they are enforcing it. Below the times, the sign actually says Monday through Sat-
"Why?!"
"Uh... wwwhat?"
"UGH! I mean, it's just like, it's the weekend, but the sign doesn't... like are you SURE?"
"Yes. The cop just walked by marking tires and-
"I don't think you're right, cuz like blah, blah, blah..." *trailing off*
*thinking to myself* is she serious? am I on a hidden camera show? is she arguing with me about her own fucking question? did my cigar just go out? wouldn't it be cool to have Don Rickles or Dennis Miller follow me around all day to verbally tear apart people like this? I wonder what they're doing these days. did I hear that Miller went all right-wing and does some conservative, Limbaugh-ish radio show now?
"HEY!"
"Oh, uh what?"
"So?! I won't be getting a ticket or nothing, right?! Cuz like, I... blah, blah, me, me, argh, urgh, I, me, unhappy childhood, argh, blah, ugh, hate my life, blah, urgh, never went for GED, blah, blah, mommy/daddy issues, urghlarhg, blugh, I'm entitled, blah, ugh, argh, I've worn horse blinders my whole life, arghleg, bleh, me, me, I, bleh, he was supposed to pull out, eugh, urlgh, blah, the world owes me, blah, ugh, I know all the lyrics to Ke$ha songs, argh, blah" [I paraphrased a bit there]
"You know what? You can totally park there for as long as you want; all day in fact. You'll be fine, I'm absolutely sure of it!"
"K! Thanks!"
Monday, September 6, 2010
I hope that fine was at least $100
Just like a woman, asking a question to which there are at least two valid answers, yet they'll only accept the one which pleases them. Well I'm sorry missy, but your quivering colossal mass does indeed look fat in that dress.
In these types of scenarios it is worth the effort to hunt down the parking inspector and direct him to the woman's car...then wait patiently for her return.
@ Drake: Unfortunately, stupidity doesn't see gender, race, or ethnicity. It has the capability of poisoning our world through absolutely any vessel.
@ frigginloon: I could easily turn that into a weekend long activity! Thanks for the tip!
You did the right thing.
"Mommy/daddy issues and Ke$sha song lyrics" - HILARIOUS!!! And the fact that you added the dollar sign . . . it was accurate and fitting to the post.
@ Vodka and Ground Beef: I do what I can to understand these idiots - you have to get into their minds, know their likes and dislikes, learn their music, etc.
And by the way, thanks for adding the feed to your site! I'm sure I'll be a frequent commenter!
HA! Hilarious...
I love people like this. They're the ones who'll get a ticket, freak out, then show up in court with a composite sketch of you, the "Guy who said I could park there because I have issues and I know all the lyrics to Ke$ha songs."
Sounds like Corvallis... following your blog now ;)
@ Nubian: Unfortunately, it's sounding more and more like every town! They're invading our world! And thanks so much for following :-)
I love your final response to her. That's exactly what I would say too. I really enjoy your blog! :)
@ Red Cynic: Thanks so much! We have to band together to fight the stupid!
I think your cigar just went out
@ nursemyra: Oh, son of a... thanks for warning me.
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